This post is not about book but much more about life and its struggle as well as decision-making.
Some of you know that I’m a German expat living in the beautiful capital of Finland, Helsinki. This was my dream ever since I was about 14/15 years old! Back then I was a huge fan of the Finnish band HIM and I did crush on their frontman Ville Valo quite a bit. With the love for this particular Finnish band came the love for other Finnish bands, and at some point the love for the country itself and the language. But this is not what this post is supposed to be about after all. Continue reading “[Random]: The struggle of decision-making”→
Wow, again long time no see, but this whole last weeks have been so incredible busy that I could barely breathe. Luckily my holidays started a week ago and whenever I could I would enjoy the beautiful weather which we had for a few days. Last week the weather was awful and more like autumn than spring or almost summer. It will be hopefully better this weekend.
Right now I am at the Airport in Helsinki and about to leave to Berlin – finally. I can’t even describe in words how incredibly happy I am to leave Finland for a while. This may sound very bitter and maybe it even is a bit, but right now I am kinda fed up with Finland and I think it’s good to spend some time elsewhere.
My journey leads me via Stockholm, where I will have a layover of 6:30 hours but that’s totally alright I just hope and pray my luggage will arrive safe and sound in Berlin at the end of the day. I packed stuffed so much into my suitcase with the help of these vacuum-bags that I am actually afraid it may explode. Haha!
As you can see on the picture above, my carry on luggage isn’t small either, but it obviously was okay. Generally I guess that airlines really don’t care how heavy it is and how many bags you carry…and I’m quite happy about it. In all these last years my hand luggage got weighted once! Once in like 7 years of traveling…
Ugh, it’s been so silent and I have been so inactive here that I actually don’t even know anymore. I have so much to do and still get nothing done and I keep on procrastinating all the time.
Best example yesterday: I wanted to study for my Spanish exams on Thursday, yet I did nothing except hanging around in my bed, napping and watching TV. This is usually what is happening at the end of every semester. Everything just seems too much and I get incredibly lazy. Gosh, it even annoys myself and still I can’t pick myself up and start on the things I really have to do.
I have 3 weeks of official school and 6 exams, 3 reports, 2 presentations and 1 portfolio left. Oh and some pre-assignments for the summer Finnish course (if I will take it…) and actually still about 5 other assignments from one online course I more or less skipped, but I will try to write these during the last weeks of May so I will meet the deadline…(No this is NOT my workplace!)
Anyway, my life has been busy with doing nothing productive and only the work which had to be done because of due dates. I didn’t went out or saw my friends a lot, just being anti-social which is usual for me when I actually need to do a lot of stuff for uni and work a lot as well. Then I really don’t feel like seeing anyone and I’m happy to be alone. A huge reason this time was probably also that I have worked a lot the last month…
Sunset some weeks ago while being at work
Other than doing nothing really productive for school and working I:
went to see Uniklubi live after almost 3 years. It’s been great!
saw a band called JUPI7ER
hung around at YouTube a lot and admired my favourite v(b)loggers (more about those in a separate post…)
That’s pretty much all I was up to. Highlight was Uniklubi. So nice to see them play again after such a long time.
And I finally dyed my hair with permanent colour again after using semi-permanent hair colour for almost a year now. It’s nice not to have to dye my hair every other week…
Of course it’s red – what do you even think?
And finally it seems that I will spend my summer in Berlin, working. It’s 100% sure that I will work, I’m just not sure if I will work from Helsinki or Berlin. Maybe Berlin is cool for a summer, than I can go and look for a great internship there as well, as it seems for now that I will first finish up with all my courses (only 22 ECTS left!) and go to do my internship next spring and then my thesis in Autumn 2015. So proud that I have accomplished most of my studies already, even tho if I am kinda a lazy student sometimes most of the time.
I think a change of place will do good for my mind and inner peace and after all Berlin is awesome!
Next time I will probably tell you about the video marketing project. We shooted the video during the past 2 weeks and the first draft is ready now and I can’t wait for the final result! Before I will tell you a little more about the project and company itself, so stay tuned!
It would be a lie if I would say I wouldn’t think or worry about the future. In fact I actually do a lot, even though my Mom thinks I don’t… Right now I don’t even know what I wanna do after graduation in December 2015 (latest!). I mean, I know I wanna work within Marketing/Communication/PR but that’s again so vague as it is actually such a big field, and there are so many different things you can do or you – somehow – can combine them all. Actually this is really sad and scares me at the same time.
I can’t even say if I can still see myself in Finland in the future. I love Finland, I really do and it would probably break my heart having to leave, but being stuck here with no chances to find a suitable job in the field I have studied definitely isn’t what I’m looking for, as I of course want something good and positive for myself, my life and my future. I really wanna do something I really like and enjoy and not just go to work because I have to go or do – yet again – some stupid cleaning. I know this sounds stupid and arrogant, but I’m so done with all this kind of jobs. I need something real.
I know that it is utopian to believe to find an enjoyable job right after graduation and I know that this probably won’t be the case but still I can hope and look for something more related to my studies which brings me further. You know, baby steps and all these kind of things…
Finding a job is generally hard and I know not even in Germany it is easy but probably easier than in a country where you are far away of speaking the language fluently. And to be honest, I kind of gave up learning it. It sound nice and all but really learning it that well that you could use it professionally…uff maybe not for me, kiitos! And I even have to admit that – sometimes (rarely but it happens) — it actually even annoys me. The way it sound and especially the way women are speaking it. 90 out of 100 speak it with exact the same voice/tone, ugh go away. (I know this sounds really harsh and mean, and I actually don’t mean it as such – so no offense my Finnish friends) — but yeah, I just have my days when it annoys me, but then everything else does too, to be honest.
Living in Finland always has been my dream and I have lived that dream for nearly 6 years and loved it, but sometimes being in a country which you love with all your heart, soul and mind isn’t just everything if you even can’t really live there because you barely have enough money for living. I’m a student, so I know what it is like to live on a minimum of money and to restrict yourself but that’s really something I don’t wanna do forever. This is all so confusing for me but sometime it’s just better to take a step back, after all I can say that I have lived and enjoyed my dream. And I loved and still love it. Right now I have huge feels for Berlin and I actually hope I can go and do my internship in Berlin (waiting for an answer) and check out how life in Berlin is. After all it is probably the only city I could imagine to live in Germany, okay Hamburg would be good as well but I really do love Berlin and I really could imagine living there.